Inkheart: The Facts
by Shekiah Rosay
Summary: Facts and outlandish observations based on Inkheart. Roxane was cruelly denied a cool nickname like everybody else? Basta is a misunderstood emo kid? Just read.
1. The Facts

There have been quite a number of recurring errors that I have seen in the Inkheart fandom, and I have decided to remedy that by offering you guys your own handy-dandy list of facts about the wonderful story _Inkheart._ No need to take it personally if you've committed any dreadful errors of these first-hand; it happens to the best of us. Just DON'T DO IT AGAIN. :D. Oh, and sadly, fact number one is that I don't own Inkheart. Sigh. So on to... Things that readers of _Inkheart_ simply ought to know:

* * *

1. Dustfinger ≠ Rurouni Kenshin. Yes, they both have red hair and scars on their faces. NO, that does NOT make them the same person.

2. Basta is NOT short for "Bastard." It is actually, in fact, Italian for "you will suffice."

3. Inkheart takes place in Italy. It does. They spent like five seconds telling you that in the book, but remember, Italy, not America. No English. So please don't give your Mary-Sues American names.

4. Oh, on the topic of Mary-Sues: Capricorn didn't have a second cousin. Even if he had, she probably wouldn't have been named Aurora Rose Isabella IV and been an ultra-beautiful blonde who Dustfinger falls madly in love with. Besides, he's already madly in love with both Roxane and Resa.

5. Resa and Dustfinger had sex. Don't be naïve. It's obvious. They even talk about it, and Resa says she's "told Mo everything" but Dustfinger says that he could "never tell Roxane."

6. Cosimo and Brianna had sex. Again… they do everything but spell it out, and that's probably because the book is written on a fifth grade level.

7. Mo is bipolar. This is very clear as well. In _Inkheart_ he is a sweet, easygoing guy. In _Inkspell_ he's jumping down Meggie's throat every other page. There is something wrong with that guy.

8. The book started out being written in German. This one is 100 non-disputable. It was called _Tintenhertz_. That's why some of the sentences say the same thing three different ways – it wouldn't translate perfectly.

9. Basta is NOT old and unattractive. He would actually have to be between the ages of 30 and 40 so that the whole love triangle with Dustfinger and Roxane would make sense. Besides, Fenoglio even refers to him as "young man."

10. Dustfinger is NOT young and a sexy. He is probably close to forty. He is not sixteen with the body of a Greek god. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. Even though it does describe in great detail how he spreads grease all over his muscular bare chest to play with fire. Please… just let that go.

11. Flatnose's nose-issue wasn't Darius's fault. He already had the name "Flatnose" back in the Inkworld, so clearly his face didn't get screwed up when he was read into the real world. Even if one of the fire-raisers does CLEARLY blame Darius. Don't believe the hype.

12. On the subject of Darius, he and Eleanor are going to hook up. Like, duh.

13. Farid is NOT a nice guy. He's good at playing a nice guy, but that doesn't mean he is. He is actually an overconfident ego-maniac who only cares about himself, Dustfinger, and Meggie – in that order.

14. Fenoglio is not a nice guy either. He left behind his children and three adoring grandchildren to go live in the world that he created and manipulates to his own liking. Nice.

15. The cast does not come into your world on the weekends – no matter how frequently, loudly, or expressively you read it.

16. Neither do the Harry Potter characters.

17. Cornelia Funke's books are actually extremely suggestive - they're just written on a level so that the kids reading it don't notice. Oh, I see you reaching for your copy now - don't even lie.

18. Basta was still a child-at-heart, and all he needed was group hug and everything would be okay. Think about it: only children can hear the sound that a faerie makes, and he could hear Tinkerbell after Meggie read her out of _Peter Pan._ I don't think his parents loved him enough. Ah-hah.

19. There is an underlying love-octagon that affects just about every adult in the story. Dustfinger loves Roxane. Dustfinger loves Resa. Resa loves Mo. Mo loves Resa. Basta loves Roxane. Basta loves Resa. Mo loves Dustfinger - oh, wait, how did _that_ get in there?

20. Roxane is a super-bitch - in a good way. She will beat the shit out of anybody who gets in her way, and some people that don't. I find this trait fantastic.

21. She has Dustfinger totally whipped. ;)

22. Resa is a hoe. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. I'd like for her to be a nurturing mother-figure too, but she's not. When she _knew_ she was back in her own world, where her HUSBAND was, she decided to have sex with Dustfinger back in Capricorn-land. I mean, there may have been booze involved - but still, sheesh.

23. Basta pretty much died a virgin. It said he liked to 'ingratiate' himself with the maids, but they all hated his guts, so somehow I don't think he got anywhere. Poor guy - there's another good reason why he's a villain.

24. Or, you know, it could be those horrible arm injuries that Fenoglio talks about - that make Basta a villain, I mean. He's ashamed to show his arms to anybody - how sensitive! TEAR! It's like the Phantom of the Opera - only nothing at all like that.

25. The Prince is totally awesome. I think, in the _Inkspell_ movie, he should be played by that guy from the Staples commercial that had the theme song "Rubber Band Man." Anybody else remember that? That would be totally amazing. I'd get the DVD at midnight when it comes out and watch that over and over.

* * *

So there's 25. I'll write more if there's good feedback:)


	2. Questions and Suggestions

Thanks for all the feedback, guys… I really wasn't expecting it. :) For those of you who agreed with me, I appreciate the encouragement. I would like to remind those of you that did not that this is all in fun – I'm really just spouting off crap, I don't have any convictions. Mo's a great guy – not even gonna lie, I love him too. I loved him more before the whole thing with Basta, but I'm recovering.

Oh, and for those of you who didn't remember the Rubber Band Man (my childhood hero) I must recant and correct myself: it was actually an Office Max commercial. The guy's name is Eddie Steeples. Anyway, you can youtube him up - just put staples rubber band man, and you'll find him.

* * *

26. "The Bluejay" is not a romantic concept of a burglar. "The Eagle"? Sure, why not? I could even go for "The Raven". But "The Bluejay" doesn't do it for me.

27. The movie evidently sucked so much that they delayed it a year to totally redo it before its release. How do you screw up such an awesome story so much that it can't compete with the shit at the box office now? It's like you'd seriously have to TRY.

28. Paul Bettany, however, is the only man that will ever be Dustfinger in my mind. Omigosh. He's too perfect. In fact, how about we just forget the whole movie thing and watch Paul Bettany strip down to say, boxers (maybe) and play with fire for about an hour and a half?

29. I am not going to abandon my conviction that Johnny Depp should have played Basta. I mean, I've got nothing on Jamie Foreman – I'm sure he's a great guy. But he just isn't Basta for me. Johnny Depp, on the other hand, like… wow. I mean, I realize that he's way out of their budget range and whatnot (he's way out of mine too, not going to lie) but wouldn't that be awesome? I mean, I'd let him kidnap me and threaten me with knives. Psht.

30. I feel the need to point out that we are all waaaay above the age for which the books were written. How about Ms. Funke goes ahead and comes out with a freaking like PG-13 rated series that is a little clearer with all the stuff that she hinted at? Watch this fandom multiply ten times – I swear it would.

31. Firefox never got enough love. Yeah, I bet like half of you don't even remember him. He was that servant of the Adderhead that just showed up every few pages and threatened to kill somebody before he had to write his name in that strange immortality-book of Mo's and then had it erased and died. He actually sounded pretty hot – but then they just up and killed him. Where is the justice?

32. Now tell me, since when is Roxane trying to be a nurturing mommy? She's a total biotch (in the best possible way) and always manipulating men to get her way, and suddenly she's raising all these kids. Jehan is apparently doing okay – but Brianna got freaking messed up. Maybe that's why she's sleeping with this guy like twice her age and MARRIED.

33. Brianna just plain old needs an intervention. She hates her father, barely speaks to her mother, and yes, I reiterate, sleeps with a married guy twice her age. Next thing you know, it'll be pot. Where does it end?

34. Did it SERIOUSLY piss anybody else off that Dustfinger was married? I got to that part of Inkspell and was like "… what the hell?" I felt misled. Deceived. I was all set to read myself into the damn book and get all up in his business. But of course, I'd have to get up in Basta's business first. If you know what I mean.

35. Then again, I could just have gone Brianna's way and slept with a married guy. Apparently that's okay where they come from. Let's call it the universal "adultery is ok" rule.

36. Roxane mentioned to Dustfinger in passing that Basta had come to visit her his first day back in the Inkworld. I was like "okay, back up a second. Dustfinger not only had a head start, but was also supposedly her damn husband. How does Basta beat him to her?"

37. Shouldn't that whole episode in 36 have pissed Dusty off, just a little? I mean, really. Roxane didn't go into any detail about what occurred during this little visit… And, I mean, refer to the rule in #35.

38. Okay, think waaay back. To that flashback where Basta was originally trying to entice Roxane to marry him. Evidently, he offered her all kinds of random crap to try to persuade her. She still refused. And while the fact that she turned down both a hot husband and free stuff is disturbing enough, there's an even bigger issue at hand: what did he have to offer her in the first place? I mean, I'm keeping it real, folks – the man knifes people for a living.

39. Here's the part where I get to whine about Farid more. I'm kind of excited. Okay, so Roxane seems to think that he's Dustfinger's kid – did anybody else ever wonder if he might actually be? I mean, clearly, it'd have to be a pretty dark-skinned Arab lady to be able to mix genes with somebody as pale as Dustfinger and still have a kid as dark as Farid, but work with me here. After all, Dustfinger was away from home a lot. And if rule 35 still applies, hey, you never know.

40. Seriously, if I had been Roxane and Dusty traded himself to the White Women in Farid's place, I would have kind of flipped out. I would start by borrowing Basta's knife (he was too dead to care by that point anyway) started stabbing the kid, and then when the White Women came, I would have been like "gimme my damn husband, hoes". And that's how it would have gone down. And they would have listened, too – because I would be ROXANE THE BITCH.

41. I'm going to continue casting the NEW AND IMPROVED Inkheart movie. I think that Jack Black would make a super badass Orpheus. Is anybody else feeling that? I mean, I love Jack Black. And wouldn't it be funny to see Johnny Depp (Basta) and Jack Black out in the woods arguing? That would make my day, almost as much as Eddie Steeples as the Prince.

42. On that note, how about Abigail Breslin as Meggie? She could even do the dance from Little Miss Sunshine. This is shaping up to be one hell of a movie, let me tell you.

43. OOOH! Inkheart the movie needs a soundtrack to match its super-amazing cast. How about… well, we'll start off with a little Jimmy Buffett – I can totally see Dustfinger and Mo singing Margaritaville. I'm not quite sure where that falls in with the storyline, but IT WILL.

44. I think we need some Korn in there, too, just to keep the emo kids happy. Wouldn't Basta make a super-amazing emo kid? I can see him like listening to Evanescence and writing about how pointless life is and dying his hair black and green and yeah… I'm getting carried away again…

45. The DVD needs special features, too, while I'm at it. I think there should be a tour of Elinor's library. Of course, we'd go through all the regular stuff, like _Treasure Island _and _Les __Miserables_but then, wouldn't it be funny if she had the novelized series of PokeMon? I mean, Meggie says she had like, everything. And I used to read those books, way back in the day. The illustrations are like, awesome. I can totally see Balbulus drawing Pikachu. Okay, yeah, moving on.

46. Off the topic of the movie, finally. Okay. I wonder what would happen if Meggie or somebody decided to bring modern technology to the Inkworld? I can totally see the Adderhead with a taser – actually I'd rather not see that. And then, there could be some plastic surgery for the poor Piper with his metal nose…

47. On the topic of the Piper – I always kind of wanted them to read him into the regular world and then send him to an airport. The security guy would be all like "Please remove all metal from your person and walk through the detector again, sir…" and it would go downhill from there.

48. Does anybody else ever wonder if they have religion in the Inkworld? I mean, really, they could all be druids or something and that would be okay, but I really don't think they believe in anything at all. Can't you see Dustfinger like, sacrificing people to fire? That would be kinda funny. I think I foresee a comic strip coming…

49. One of my friends has this theory that Basta sleeps with a teddy bear. I have no idea where the hell she got it, but if you knew her, it would totally make sense.

50. Brianna totally would have hooked up with Basta. I mean, think about it. She looks like her mother (who Basta lusts after repeatedly) she likes sleeping with older guys way out of her league, and it would just be soooo romantic. Sigh. At least, until Dusty walked in on them. That would be quite far from romantic. But very worth watching anyway.

* * *

So there's another 25 – read and review, and I'll see if I can wrack my brain for any more… ;) 


	3. Observations

My muse has returned (whatever my muse is) so now it's time for some observations! I found them pretty amusing, I hope you do too - I have a universal disclaimer here, so listen up - I don't own Inkheart or any of the copyrighted drugs/products/implements of destruction herein, so just enjoy. I also, again, am just throwing crap out, I'm not trying to convince ya'll of anything. No need to try and go to war with me over this stuff. I'll just shrug and say you might be right. Thanks for all your interest and the proliferation of Author Alert additions - you all are the sugar in my espresso, the edit-undo key on my Microsoft Word!

51. Basta needs a fangirl party. He thinks nobody loves him, but if he got a lot of hugs and beer, he would cease in his life of crime. I guarantee it. Although Prozac wouldn't hurt either.

52. Farid should have stayed dead. I'm sorry for the Farid fangirls (oops, sorry, THE Farid fangirl, there's no plural here) but the storyline just got screwed over by his coming back. This will be addressed in following numbers.

53. We lost Dusty. Need I say more? I mean, rumor has it he'll come back – NOT A SPOILER JUST A RUMOR – but still. I mean, that will take time even if it does happen. And an ink-story without Dusty is the only thing as bad as an ink-story without Basta.

54. Another reason why Farid should have stayed dead – Basta's death was for nothing if Farid is still going to be hanging out annoying the crap out of us. And necking thirteen-year-old Meggie.

55. Roxane hates him even more now that he's back. And seriously, with good reason. Her husband had just come back after like ten years and then WHAT DO YOU KNOW, he leaves all over again. And this time, maybe, for good. (??) At least, Roxie thinks so. She doesn't have online rumor sites. Poor Roxie.

56. OOOH super-awesome twist – Roxane should inform everyone that she's pregnant, since evidently the medicine woman made it pretty clear what was going on between Roxie and Dusty. Whether she really is or not – it'd make for a good story.

57. Even better twist – the baby is not even Dusty's after all. It could be, like, Mo's. It would be an interesting idea, because the kid would be half-ink half-real-world. That would have interesting repercussions. (Picturing some kind of half-translucent Mo/Roxane child)

56. Also, the resulting bitch-fight between Resa and Roxie would be wicked. It would be like Jerry Springer kind of. I vote Fenoglio to be Jerry. Hell yes.

57. I think I'll throw in another fact-statement, rather than just another random suggestion, since after all, this once was Inkheart: The Facts, before it became Inkheart: Shekiah Rosay on Espresso. Capricorn was misunderstood. His father was abusive and his mother was Mortola for heaven's sake. People _expected_ him to come out normal? But this brings up another question – how did Mortola and evil dad get together? Did they just meet at some sadist-bar (is there such a thing?) and say "You know, we're both hardcore and enjoy causing pain. Let's get together and have a messed up kid and raise him to start his own crime syndicate. " I bet that's exactly what happened. Then Mortola was all like "I'll even clean the floors for him and live in his basement when he finally does. It'll be tight."

58. To sum up basically all the content in the last three chapters, all the good characters are actually bad and never got to show their true colors and all the bad characters are actually good and terribly misunderstood. Trust me. Oh, the exceptions are Mortola and evil Capricorn's dad. They're just plain old evil. I'm tired of typing evil Capricorn's dad. Let's call him Fred.

59. Ever noticed how nobody keeps like, _normal_ pets in the Inkworld? I mean, seriously. Dustfinger has his martens and the Prince (remember: Office Max man) has a friggin' bear. I kind of just want somebody to have a Chihuahua. Although those aren't really that normal either.

60. Please do not try to picture Basta with a Chihuahua. I am, and it's actually kind of terrifying.

61. On the subject of Basta, has anybody ever noticed that every single person who reads the book has an ENTIRELY different idea of what he looks like? Seriously. I mean, the book is pretty nondescript, but everybody seems to pretty much agree about Dustfinger and Mo and all the others. Basta, for whatever reason, not so much. I do have a feeling, however, that we all at least agree he was mostly likely _not_ the Chihuahua type.

62. Did Cloud Dancer make anybody else think of that weird '80s TV show Sky Dancers? With those little fairies that had sparkly cellophane wings and spun out of those little flowers? Or am I just really old?

63. We can all recite the trailer by this point (as they decided to release it a good year and a half before the movie comes out) so we should make our own movie. My garage can be Argenta. Again – hell yes.

64. Resa's hair apparently became darker from trauma after having been read into the book. Okay, believe me when I say that I have the utmost respect for Cornelia Funke as a writer, but she needs to have some kind of scientist (of really any variety) scan over her notes and suggest a biologically possible result from a traumatic experience. Like, maybe… PTSD? Or her hair could go white. See, that makes sense. But then the love dodecagon would fall apart because she'd be less hot. Oh well.

65. Ever noticed that the whole time the group is in Capricorn's village it mentions eating maybe ONCE, and it's not related to any of the black jackets or Capricorn, it's Meggie/Mo/Elinor? Oh shit, what if Italian arsonists photosynthesize?!

66. On the topic of the black jackets, does anybody in the surrounding villages ever wonder where all of these sinister-looking uniformed guys are coming from and report it to anybody? I mean, seriously. They only have hostages about HALF THE FRICKING TIME.

67. The maids that work for Capricorn evidently do so willingly, for the most part. It's not like they're ball-and-chained or barb-wired in. Evidently they're all just like "Oh, it's cool, I'll just chill out here and clean up after and sleep with the evil people 24/7… good times…"

68. If Capricorn never leaves the village, how does he find all his nasty little cohorts? Do they just like show up with an application and say, "Um, yeah… I'm seeking a career with your organization. You'll see all my qualifications are in order – I was the president of the set-shit-on-fire club in high school…"

69. We need a prequel to Inkheart. It can go into super-sweet detail about how the whole scene got set. We can go back and forth between Capricorn and Mortola and Fred (remember Fred from #58?) in the Inkworld and Mo and Resa and Fenoglio in the real world.

70. The women who chill out with Capricorn wear some weird crap. I mean, you'd think since they're maids it would just be like little black skirts and white frilly aprons. Instead, they have those weird white dresses like they made Meggie wear when she was reading the Shadow out of _Inkheart_. It sounds like they're virgins prepared for sacrificing to pagan gods.

71. Meggie mentions something about how Mo dated for a little while near the beginning of _Inkheart_. Wonder what he said when the women were like "Aw, your daughter is so cute! What happened to your poor wife?" Did he say that he used his magical reading powers to send her into an alternate universe? Because where I come from, that wouldn't go over too well.

72. The Inkworld is apparently equally old as the real world, but they're still living in the middle ages. I wonder why nobody decided to up and invent a catapult or something and have a little bit of technological progress going on? Maybe they like wearing big floofy dresses and avoiding the black plague. Who even knows.

73. The king of Argenta sleeps with women half his age and as we are all painfully aware from chapter two, Brianna sleeps with men twice her age. I foresee something going on between these two. But of course, it's Brianna, so she'd have to be involved in at least seven extra relationships on the side just out of spite. She's one crazy fifteen-year-old, let me tell you.

74. It would be kind of nice to have Meggie's powers, because you'd never have to buy household appliances. You could just borrow an assembly guide and read all the pieces-parts out of it and stick 'em together. I'd do it.

75. Are any of you guys out there_ Twilight _fans? Because if I had the power to read people and stuff out of books but still my own level of self-control, there would be some problems. I would have had at least six kids with Jacob (YES, JACOB, BITCH PLEASE!) by this point. And I think we decided in number 57 that half-real, half-ink kids are not okay.


	4. Clearing Some Things Up

Alright, guys – I promised myself a series of 100 facts. This is the conclusion, then. I'm sorry – it's been an awesome time! TT I'm not dying, though – you will see more Inkheart humor from me, I feel certain! :D So stick with me. And dig this last chapter, folks – I must say, I've outdone myself. I give a lot of my reviewers shout-outs in here, just because you're all so awesome. Thanks for your help and ideas! :D

* * *

76. THE ULTIMATE FANGIRL XD should throw a party for the _Inkheart_ characters. Seriously, have you read her reviews? I would _totally_ go to one of her parties. And I have no idea who she is. Just to give you an idea, here's some pieces of her first review: "have you heard piece of me by britany spears (this was like bak when she was cool)i can imagine roxane singing that on stage and me barging in,kikin her off,and yelling F OFF HORE!!and the audience(including dusty) screamin OH YEA!! like the kool-aid pitcher... and then farid shooting her and orpheus with a machine gun and saying THATS RIGHT BITCHES!and then cartoon heroes will play and there'll be like a dance party thing with beer and porn fliks."

Don't worry, she assured me that she's drug-free.

77. I confess, I owe this one to Someone (a reviewer) – Michael Jackson should be the Piper. Hellz yeah. He sings _and_ he has an artificial nose. How did we not all think of this sooner?

78. There were two 56 and 57 pairs in the last chapter. You got two extra facts – how cool is that? Well, okay, maybe you just got one, because I totally just wasted this one. Should I throw in a fact? I might as well. How about… Farid is a waste of space?

79. It occurred to me the other day that Meggie really never had any hobbies but hanging out and reading with her dad. That's kind of depressing. But then, suddenly, she has all these incredibly well-developed social skills. WTF?

80. It's oddly convenient that Fenoglio was still alive and writing in the same country nearby when Meggie and Mo needed him to sort out all the _Inkheart _business. Seriously, what are the odds of that? Let me tell you: LIKE ONE IN A ZILLION. ON A GOOD DAY.

81. Everybody in the Inkworld has nicknames. And we know that they don't just have super-weird real names, because the Adder tells Firefox to write his REAL name in the book of death, not just the nickname they gave him. Is it like a law that EVERYBODY has to have nicknames? Because they totally do.

82. Roxane never got a nickname, though. That's kinda bizarre. It's like, when you're introducing them: "This is Cloud Dancer, Dustfinger, Silvertongue, Inkweaver, and we call her Roxane." It's kind of like Jean Grey in the X-Men.

83. Brianna needs one too! I suggest IllegalSexChild. It has a ring to it, and nobody would ever wonder whose nickname it was. That sounds like my friend's AIM screen name, though, come to think of it…

84. How common is the ability to read stuff into new worlds, anyway? Because theoretically, if Basta was able to find Orpheus so easily, that must mean it's at _least_ a 1/100 shot. I mean, I love Basta (as we all know) but he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. But seriously – if the 'gift' is that common, there should be a whole lot more evidence of it out there… like more faeries and shit.

85. How do you find somebody like that anyway – place an ad in the paper? "Hello, I need a reader who is capable of accessing a parallel universe… preferably one who works by the hour…"

86. My friend has this theory that Fenoglio is a pedophile. It's actually pretty viable when you give it some thought. He all goes up to the fire and says "Come, children, I have a story to tell you, gather 

around…" and then Meggie has to stay with him in his little room. Can't you just see him going "Hey baby, there's plenty of room up here…" :O

87. Why did Dustfinger stay with all the losers in Capricornville all the time, anyway? Seems like every other flashback, we hear about him hanging around and being emo and angsty and talking to people in the village. Why didn't he like get the hell out of there right off the bat?

88. Hmmm. Capricornville. I like it. For some reason, it makes me think of that weird movie "Children of the Corn," from the SciFi channel back in the day. And you know, Capricorn's town never really had a name, specifically. Starting now, we're going with Capricornville.

89. Evidently Dustfinger "saved Resa's life" and all, but then Basta and the others found him and beat the crap out of him. Did he not have the sense to take her FAR AWAY from Capricornville? I just have these mental images of one of the black-jackets rounding a corner and finding Dusty and Resa hiding behind a bush. Sheesh, man. This isn't hide and freakin' go seek.

90. What exactly happens if Fenoglio just stops describing stuff past Ombra and Argenta? Is it just endless ocean or something? I mean, think about it. It can't just end, brick-wall, right there. Maybe they use those fake-looking horizons like in N64 games. Remember the trees in Legend of Zelda? Cheesiest thing ever.

91. Somebody just EXPLAIN the art on the cover of _Inkheart_, please. I see the marten, and the gold makes some sense too, but whose hand? It's like the friggin' Addams family with the little crawly disembodied hand that lives in the box. And moreover, what's with the lizard?

92. For that matter, whose snake on _Inkspell_? The only snakes in that book were the little crests on all the Adder's stuff. Personally, it makes me think of Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford should be somebody in my movie… he'd make a super-badass Adderhead. Oh _yeah_.

93. Cosimo just dies – too freaking much. He's dead to start off with. And they bring him back. And then he dies again. Is he like suicidal-emo? Because he doesn't give me the emo-vibe. But who knows. Either way, they need to get some kind of warranty going on this fool.

94. Elinor has about fifty million books, but we never see her read them. Note also that she goes out of her way to purchase the special edition ones with pretty pictures. I bet she can't read at all – illiterate poser! She just keeps them around to make her seem smart.

95. Dustfinger is evidently kinda lanky and so-so strong, right? This being the case, explain the scene in which he ties Basta up and leaves him in the abandoned house. Dusty had to _carry_ him into the house (as was stated in the book) and Basta's gotta be a pretty hardcore guy to make a good assassin, so WTF? I would have selected a word more akin to "dragged" than "carried."

96. This is Duckweed's (a reviewer) and it's an excellent point: How on earth does a MUTE woman teach an ILLITERATE man how to read? It's not like she can write him instructions. That's a catch-22 right there. He has to _know_ how to read in order to be _able to learn_ how to read.

97. It just occurred to me to wonder if there is something like tobacco in the Inkworld. Random, I'm aware, but the fire-raisers just seem like the smoker-type to me. Super-slick, badass, you get it. If they just showed up in the real world and found it, it had to have been some kind of new, hella-cool thing.

98. There's some kind of bizarre irony in the fact that Roxie's first husband spoke to fire and her second husband was killed by it. It's just _way_ too coincidental. Dusty HAD to have had something to do with Jehan's death. But _how_? Can he speak to fire over long-distance, like email or something? Or is that a retarded question to begin with? Haha – receives an email from Dusty: "Please comsume my cheating wife's new man in a very gory show of ashes and soot. Thanks muchly."

99. If Fenoglio is so into Roxane, why doesn't he just REWRITE the story so that she makes passionate love to the illustrious Inkweaver? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's totally gross and I'm glad he didn't, but it seems like the kind of think that creepy perv would do.

100. The whole peppermint leaf thing evidently began with Basta when some girl refused to kiss him. Of course, her _excuse_ was his breath, but if she had been _that_ into him do you think that something like his breath honestly would have stopped her? That's a great girl-excuse: "I don't want to kiss you. You have bad breath. It's not because you're a criminal or a sex-addict or anything else." She should have just told him that she didn't want to kiss him. But I wouldn't have been that mean either, I would have gone the easier route and just made him think that he had bad breath for the rest of his life too.


End file.
